Surprise Arrival!!!

Today is August 1st and the day that I was due to have my little surrogate babe, so what better day then today to share our birth story 😁

Monday July 8th was like any other summer break day. It was a rainy day so we went to Target to do a little shopping. I'm pretty sure we walked up and down every aisle of the store at least twice. 😂 The girls really wanted to go to the playground, but because it was raining we opted for lunch at the McDonalds with the indoor playground. After lunch we went home and played board games and read books before relaxing and waiting for Ian to come home from work. I also started to pack my hospital bag to prepare and get ready a bit before the guys got to town the next day. We all had dinner together and then the rain had subsided and the girls wanted to swim a bit so we went in the pool for an hour or so before they had to come in and start getting ready for bed. We got them washed up and in bed and then I went and took a shower before relaxing on the couch to watch tv for a little bit. I then decided to head to bed because I had an OB appt the next morning at 10am.

That was when everything quickly changed. I woke up around 1:15am to a sudden gushing feeling and thought I had dreamed that I had peed myself. Just as I went to feel my shorts to confirm that I had been dreaming I felt another big gush. By that point I was awake enough to know that I definitely had not dreamed it and had no control over that and that I couldn't possibly have peed myself 😂 I went to the bathroom and it just continued. I tried calling out to Ian, but he was fast asleep and I didn't want to be too loud because the girls were sleeping close by. I finally got Ian up and told him that I was pretty sure that my water had just broke. His response was "are you sure you didn't just pee yourself" lol. Which I have never done by the way so I don't know why that was our first reactions. I assured him that I was pretty sure it was my water and that typically when this happens they tell you to go to the hospital, but I had an appt at 10am and wondered if I could just wait it out. Afterall, I wasn't feeling any pain or contractions and hadn't been. Other then my feet being swollen for the previous two weekends I hadn't felt like anything was happening. He still felt so high to me because I swear his feet were constantly in my ribs. Needless to say he called his sister and I called my mom, both of whom are nurses and asked their opinion. Both said that it definitely sounded like my water broke and that I should go to the hospital or at least call and see what they think. Ian called and they said that we definitely should come to the hospital to be checked. I started crying a bit and kept saying, "this is not how this is supposed to happen" "we can't have him...his dads are not here yet" "we haven't gotten to take our maternity photos with the guys yet" "It's too early for him to come." While I am going through all of the emotions and trying to clean myself up a bit to head to the hospital, Ian was quickly throwing my stuff in a bag and getting things together. He called a friend hoping she would answer so that we could see if she could watch the girls for a little bit. He woke the girls up and started putting them in the car and before I knew it we were on our way to drop them off and go to the hospital. At this point it is 2am and I messaged the guys to tell them that my water broke and we were headed to the hospital. It was 8am there and I immediately got a phone call back. They were just as shocked as I was and couldn't believe this was all happening right now! They had all their luggage in their living room and had been waiting on their Uber to take them to the airport for their long flight to Florida. What were the odds that Little Mac would decide that this was the day to arrive?!?! They assured me that all would be ok and that everything happens as it is meant to and to not stress at all. I just felt so bad that they were not here yet. The last thing I said was I will do my best to keep him in as long as possible so hopefully they could get here in time and they laughed and said not to worry about that. Then I remembered that Little Mac still didn't have a name...that was something that the dads were having trouble deciding. It had been narrowed down to 2 names and they said we would decide as a family when they got here. I told them they needed to decide and text me the name just in case he arrived before they did. All this time I was feeling great. Still not having pain or feeling any contractions so I was skeptical that this was all happening anytime soon. We hung up the phone with the guys just as we arrived at the hospital and I walked in and told the gentleman at the desk that my water had broke and he immediately told me to sit down because he hadn't delivered a baby in a really long time and didn't want tonight to be the night. He checked us in and called Labor and Delivery and about 10 minutes later someone was there to wheel me up to the L&D floor. 

The nurse had me get changed and did the usual weight check and urine sample etc. and then they got us to a room and me in the bed. The nurses were asking me all of the routine questions and I was answering still not in any pain. I feel like the questions went on for a good hour or so and at this point it was 4am. I asked the nurse when she would check my cervix to see how dilated I was and she said she would in a bit as soon as she finished her paperwork and questions for me. I was starting to feel some contractions a little bit, but nothing major. They were definitely happening regularly and were about every 5 minutes or so. At 4:30am she checked my cervix. I was honestly nervous to know where I stood at this point and when she checked and told me 5cm I was in disbelief. I messaged the guys and our birth photographer to let them know that it would definitely be happening today. Right after she checked me, my contractions quickly ramped up and got a little stronger and definitely closer together. With each one I would look at Ian and say "this one is a little more then the last one" to which he replied "your doing great. just keep breathing. what do you need?" At 5am I told the nurse that the contractions were definitely worse and that I was feeling a lot of pressure all of a sudden. I honestly forgot what she asked me after that but I remember telling her that the pressure was so much that I felt ready to push. She looked at me skeptical and said that she would check me again, but that if I was still a 5 or barely different then 30 minutes ago that I needed to really consider how things were feeling, etc. She checked me again and immediately said she is ready, call Dr. Smith. At that point things were intense. Everything was happening so quickly that I felt like I had no time to prepare. I remember telling the nurses that I needed to push and them telling me to just keep breathing through each contraction and that Dr. Smith would be there soon. One nurse jokingly asked me to hold him in there long enough for the Dr to arrive because she could deliver him, but if she did it meant a lot of extra paperwork on her end and she would rather not have to do all of that. I told her I would do my best! 😂The nurses were giving updates...Dr. Smith is 10 minutes out, ok now he is 7 minutes out. Hang in there, you can do this. With each contraction I felt more and more ready to push. Finally Dr. Smith walked in around 5:30am and I remember telling him that I don't trust him anymore because he told me we had plenty of time a couple weeks ago at my appt and that the dads had time to get here first and yet here we are having a baby with no dads. With Kelsie he told me for weeks that she would arive anytime now and then we still ended up inducing and kicking her out. Obviously I know it is not his fault and these babies have minds of their own, but we all had a good laugh about it. I pushed with each of the next 3 contractions and Little Mac made his arrival at 5:46am. It was surreal. I was in complete disbelief. Ian was in awe and even the nurses commented on how quickly everything happened. One nurse even said it was by far the fastest progression she had seen in all her years of nursing. Ian was a trooper. When he realized that everything was happening so quickly that the guys definitely wouldn't make it in time and even our birth photographer couldn't get there in time he grabbed the camera and got plenty of pictures and even recorded the entire birth for the dads to watch when they arrived. Not to mention he was by my side the entire time talking me through, reminding me to breathe and holding my hand! He is the unsung hero here!

Born 5:46am weighing 8lbs 1oz and 20.5inches long

Celebrating the arrival of their son!

When Little Mac arrived he was immediately placed on a blanket on my chest and a nurse was suctioning his nose and mouth. I looked down and remember thinking his face looked dark, almost like a blueberry. I just kept asking if he was ok. He was making noises and crying a little bit, but he looked so dark to me. The nurse assured me that he was good and took him over to the baby bed to suction him a little more and clean him up. All of a sudden I heard really strong loud screaming and felt a sense of relief. This boy has some lungs y'all! They got him weighed and cleaned up and then they handed him to me. Looking down at this sweet 8lb 1oz beautiful baby boy that I had carried for almost 37 weeks for another couple was amazing! It was different then looking down at my own children, but it was an emotion that I will never forget. I felt proud. I felt honored. I felt blessed. I was in love, but a different love as I knew he wasn't mine. I was sad that his dads were not there to meet him and hold him first and I even felt a little guilty. Because everything happened so fast and he moved down the birth canal so quickly he had some bruising on his face, but otherwise he was perfect. Ian updated the guys with his arrival, birth stats and pictures immediately. They were so happy and it really made my heart so happy to have played a part in them becoming the family that they had longed to be for all these years. The guys plane had been delayed a couple of hours and while it was a dsiappointment it ended up being a blessing in disguise because had they taken off as scheduled they probably wouldn't have received the update that their son was born until after they landed 9 hours later. 

  

The entire day was spent caring for Mac until his daddies could get to the hospital. We cuddled and my family and girls got to meet him and it was just a magical day. We all joked that he just wanted to spend more time with us earthside and that he wanted to beat his dads here. I told the guys that I felt guilty having all of this time with Mac before they even got to hold him or see him and their response to that was "Don't feel bad! He is lucky to have you in his life - and so are we!" It literally made me tear up. We had always talked about remaining in each others lives long after he was born and I never felt like that wouldn't happen, but it was that very moment...receiving that text that I knew we were family and this thing was absolutley and without a doubt forever. Waiting for their flight to land in Miami and for them to drive the 4 hours to the hospital felt like FOREVER!!! In that time I had been in contact with our photographer and she planned to be there at the hospital when they arrived so she could capture their very first moments with him. Even if that meant getting there at 2:30am!

Little Mac's arrival was by no means at all how any of us had planned for or imagined, but at the end of the day it was perfect and beautiful and a beyond amazing experience that I will never ever forget or regret doing! Every day since that day has only continued to be such a blessing and a testiment that love is love, families come in all shapes and sizes and families are most definitely forever!

Weeks 33 - 36

Quick update...Things have been going pretty smooth on our end. Some rib and back pain which makes sitting uncomfortable because it is hard to find a good position, but otherwise all is good. The Florida heat this summer has been torture with temperatures in the high 90's with a heat index over 100 degrees, but swimming in the pool with my girls is rather refreshing. Honestly it is how we spend much of our days as long as it isn't storming ;)

Week 33 - This week I completed my final bloodwork. Everything was good, but my iron levels were just slightly on the lower end...nothing major. 

Week 34 - I had an OB appt this week at 34 weeks and 5 days. We did the Group B Strep culture and my doctor checked my cervix. I was not dilated AT ALL which was a little shocking to me considering with both of my girls I was 3-4cm dilated at this point. Little Mac is growing perfectly and is still positioned head down :) Dr. Smith doesn't think that this little guy is coming any time soon and said that we have plenty of time to get the dads here. They are due to arrive on July 9th which is 2 days before I reach the 37 week mark.

Week 35 - The Florida heat has been brutal and I have been noticing my feet have been swollen terribly. It is actually quite painful. I have never experienced this before and was a little worried because swelling can indicate pre eclampsia, but my Dr. is not concerened and my blood pressure is perfect. I've been trying to relax more and keep my feet up...kinda hard with 2 little ones running around and it being summer break :/ We are so close to the finish line though and that makes me super excited :)

Week 36 - Happy Fourth of July!!!! My feet are definitely still swollen. Lots of soaking and elevating going on here. Otherwise I really have no complaints and feel great. Definitely feeling huge these days though.

The girls have been so understanding and anxious as well. My youngest kisses my belly goodnight every night and in the sweetest little motherly voice says "Good night Little Mac." It seriously melts my heart everytime. She even put a heart stamp on my belly the other day and said mama this is because I just love Baby Mac so much! <3 

My next appt is at 36 weeks and 5 days which is the day Little Macs dads head to Florida and await his arrival! Excited is an understatement...we are all anxious to meet this little guy!

32 week update

Whew! We have been so busy! Between celebrating 3 of the 4 of our family members birthday (mid April to beginning of May), my husband and I's wedding anniversay, the end of school year events, gymnastics camp all week last week for my oldest and planning my youngest's birthday party for this coming weekend...we just haven't caught a break!

So as of right now I am 2 days shy of 33 weeks with Little Mac. I just had an appt today with my doctor and baby is perfect! Heartbeat is great, fluid is wonderful, he is practicing his breathing and is head down 😁 Not to mention this boy is insanely active! I do not remember my girls being THIS active. I had both of my girls with me and in the hustle and bustle of things forgot to snap a few pictures or video, but he is so cute! Mac man is measuring right at 32 weeks so Dr. said he isn't huge, but isn't tiny either. I'm officially to appt's every 2 weeks now too. Mac seems to be closer to having a name...the dad's are divided, but one name seems to be a clear front runner with everyone else so we shall see! We are so incredibly anxious to meet this sweet little boy...it's crazy!

Mac's dads will be here in exactly 4 weeks 😲 and this morning I finalized everything with our maternity/birth photographer for our maternity session with them. Excited is an understatement...I truly can not wait! It is unreal that the end of this chapter is so close.

Here are some photos from the past weeks...the belly is ever growing and sleep is uncomfortable to say the least. Heartburn is insane and my husband has woken up too many times lately to me sleeping in the recliner in the living room just because it helps the heartburn not be so bad.

Little Mac and I just chillin' watching tv in my comfy Lularoe macaron leggings!

We went to the beach and found a starfish...Mac's first time "holding" one 😜

One of my girls favorite things...listening to stories with Mac told by his daddies 😍

Take 2...the 3 hour glucose test was a success. Thank goodness I passed that one!

Our experiences as a surrogate and surogate family...

As a surrogate you just never know how people are going to respond. Sometimes you are greeted with all things positive, sometime you receive question after question, others just look at you like you are absolutely bat shit crazy and well some just simply have nothing to say. I am a pretty open person. I always have been that way. Growing up in foster care I always found it easier to talk about it and share my experiences and life with others. It was my way of processing and coping and it really worked for me. My siblings I don't think were as comfortable sharing. Surrogacy has been the same for me. I enjoy talking about it and sharing our journey as often as I can, although I will be honest sometimes I am just not in the mood for all the questions that follow so there have been times when I just don't explain. For example, last night my family and I were out to dinner for my birthday. My littlest love had to use the restroom for what felt like the 14th time. While in the restroom an older woman congratulated me on my pregnancy and asked how old K was and if I had any others. I explained that she would be 3 next month and that I had a 6 year old as well. The woman proceeded to say that her daughter has an almost two year old and was due in October with her second. The woman simply was curious to know what the age difference would look like, how difficult it would be etc. She gave her best wishes for adjusting to 3 kids and I thanked her and went on my way. At that moment in time I was sick of being in the restroom, was hungry and wanted to get back to my food and was not ready for the questions when I explained that I did not need to transition from 2 to 3. Sometimes it is just easier to say thank you and be on your way when congratulated out in public. Sometimes I feel guilty responding like this as if I am lying. I hate feeling like I am not being honest, ut truly don't always have the time (or the patience) to get into it any further.

I have experienced quite a few questions and these are some of the most popular...

One of the main questions I get when people learn that I am a surrogate is "Well, won't it be difficult to give the baby away?" Honestly this question is a little irritating. I get it, it is hard for some to fathom carrying a child for someone else...it truly isn't for everyone. The way I look at it is, this baby was NEVER mine. He is not a product of me or my husband. Many assume that since I am carrying for a same sex couple that the egg used to make this baby is mine. It is not. They used an egg donor and this baby was always his parents. I am not giving up anything because it was never mine to give up in the first place. I am simply helping them do something that they are physically unable to do and then returning him to his loving, always present parents. This is usually followed up with "But don't you feel connected to this baby? After all you are growing him and feeling his movements, etc. Won't you feel like he is yours" Well, yes I do feel connected to him and I love feelings his movements and watching him grow, but no I do not feel like he is mine. The way I look at it is the way I love my nieces, nephews, best friends kiddos and godchildren. I would do anything for any and all of them. I will be fully invested in all their life's endeavors, spoil them rotten, love them unconditionally and always be there for them. Same goes for this little man. He is family to me. He will always share a piece of my heart as many special little's do, but it is slightly different then the motherly instinct and love that I have for my girls.

Another question I have gotten is "Why don't they just adopt?" I don't know. Why didn't you? I mean I guess because some people want to see their legacy and family history continue. I am not saying that adoption isn't a wonderful thing and I know that it blesses many many families, but again just like being a surrogate isn't for everyone, adoption may not be for everyone either. Everyone has their own motivations and reasons for making the choices that they do and it is sad that some people feel the need to have such strong opinions on other peoples decisions. Families are families no matter how they come together and love is love. I've also been asked "How can you support a gay couple having a child?" Ummm...really?!?! Are you serious? Like what year is this? Can't we all just love and support each other? When talking about this journey with my oldest daughter (before we got everything going) I was explaining to her how many families are made up differently. She has had a little exposure to same sex couples and had never questioned it (funny how kids just accept things like that), but when we were officially matched with the guys we talked about how I would carry their baby for them because they physically could not. Her response was "mom that is so wonderful for you to do and that baby will be so lucky to have 2 dads because dads are so fun!" My husband was asked "Don't you think that kid will grow up to be messed up being in a family like that?" Ugh! Why do people even think that is ok to say? He simply responded with "No, I absolutely do not" and walked away.

There have been a handful of questions like "What does your husband think?" or "Doesn't your husband mind that you are carrying someone else's baby?" even a "Wow! I'm surprised your husband LET you do that." Honestly he had a few questions and concerns at the beginning. More so the logistics of things and how it all worked and the risks of going through a journey like this, but he was ALWAYS and still is ALWAYS 100% supportive. He has never told me I could not do something (except for maybe adopt another kitten or something silly like that). He is such a supportive and loving husband and knew just how much being a surrogate meant to me that he always encouraged me to follow my dreams. To be honest, I almost applied nearly a year before I actually did, but never submitted it because I wasn't sure if the timing was right. He simply said...you will know when it is right and when it is go for it. 8 months later I on a whim filled out the application and submitted it and then texted him saying "I just did something." He thought I made some crazy expensive splurge of a purchase or crashed the car or something, but when I told him what I actually did he was not surprised or mad about it at all. He was supportive and excited for me. With that said, Ian is quite the jokester so he has fun with it at times now by saying things like "oh I'm not the father" when someone congratulates us or he has said things like "I should be able to get a boat since you are carrying another mans baby" lol

I've had comments made like "You must be getting rich!" or "You must get paid a lot to carry that baby!" and while yes surrogates are compensated we are far from rich because of it. In general I feel like it is rude to even make a statement like this or ask the question of how much you make having a baby for someone. I don't ask you what your salary is or question your religious beliefs etc. why make a statement like that? I'm not going to go into detail about compensation because honestly every surrogates journey, experiences and contract is different. A simple google search can give you a ball figure amount if your really curious, but to be honest, can you put a fair dollar amount on daily injections of hormones to prep your body, weight gain, many transvaginal ultrasounds, nausea and vommiting, the feeling of a baby pressing on your lungs making it difficult to breathe, constant heart burn, cankles, constant feeling of having to pee, inability to sleep comfortably, oh and then delivering a baby out of your vagina all for someone else?!?! You definitely do not go into this for the money. Just saying!

My girls have surprised me with the next set of questions... while out they have been asked "Oh you must be so excited to be a big sister?" or after learning that I am carrying a boy they get asked "Are you ready to meet your brother?" To which the B always responds oh he isn't my brother...my mom is a surrogate. Or K will say that baby isn't our baby. The looks on people's faces is absolutely priceless and of course they either don't know what to say after that or have 100 more questions. I have been asked "Don't you think this will confuse your kids?" or "What do your kids think about it?" I absolutely do not think that my children are or will be confused. From day one they have known that Mac is not our baby. We all love him and can not wait to meet him and hold him, but both girls know that once Little Mac is here he will go home with his daddies. K talks about it all the time how Baby Mac is the guys baby (she specifically calls them by name) and will tell anyone and everyone that she is excited for them to come back and get their baby. B has written in her journal that I am a surrogate and has told me how she is proud of me and is glad that we can do this for the guys. I really think that including them from the very beginning and them skyping wih the guys and getting to know them alongside Ian and I has really helped their excitement and understanding of the process. They have made some sacrifices over the last almost year for me to be able to do what I am doing and I am forever grateful that they are understanding and right there next to me supporting me.

Beyond those more serious questions we have had some funny moments... some off the top of my head are
* While at gymnastics a dad of one of the girls in B's class had overheard that I was pregnant and said congrats to which I replied oh thanks, but it isn't mine. He slowly lowered his head to look back at his phone unsure of what to say next.
*Ian being congratulated on another baby only for him to respond with "yeah, I'm not the father" awkward!!!
*Cashier at the store seeing me purchase baby boy clothing (clearly pregnant) with both of my girls in tow... "Congrats on getting that boy!" to which I replied "Thanks, but we aren't keeping him." Her jaw nearly hit the floor. I didn't realize just how bad it came out and I quickly explained the situation to which she was relieved and said just how awesome it was that I could do this for them.
*I was having a particularly rough day one day and a woman asked me when I was due and what I was having and I told her to which she said "you're husband must be excited it's a boy" to which I responded with "yeah it isn't his" and then just walked away. God only knows what she must have thought of me!

I really should have written down all of the funny things because now I am struggling to think of them, but just know whether intentional or not we have had some fun with it. Also, the majority of the people that I have spoken with has been VERY supportive and only had kind things to say. The few wack a doos that made odd statements or asked inappropriate questions can not take away from the many that did not. Well, it's late so prego is going to head to bed. Until next time friends!

26 weeks...

Hey guys! It has been a while since my last blog post. I post my weekly bump pictures on my social media page, but tend to update here after appointments (although I completely missed an update after my last appt). Please forgive me! Given that appts are still monthly at this point updates haven't been as frequent as I would maybe like. 😉

Things are still going well with this pregnancy. Pretty normal and routine I guess. I've decided that this baby is definitely treating me differently in everyway possible then my girls did. I've had weight gain in my chest (not totally complaining about it) and my thighs (could do without that) not to mention he also makes me far more clumsy and emotional 😂 Ian said he prefers me pregnant with girls and to be honest I do too! Not that this pregnancy has been hard or unenjoyable, it's just all around different. 

At the end of March we had a routine appt and Mac man was looking good. Measuring a few days ahead, nice strong heartbeat and was very active during the ultrasound. We only got a couple of pictures, but I'm just happy to see him doing so well in there!

It always makes me laugh when I send ultrasound pictures to the guys because they always say "cute! but I have no idea what we are looking at" 😂 I've gotten really good at labeling the pictures for them so they know without a doubt what they are seeing!

 Here Little Mac is listening to his daddies read to him. He always moves around a bit at the beginning of a story and then settles down nicely for the remainder of it. He really loves music too. One of his dad's is a big Celine Dion and Lady Gaga fan so I have been playing some of their music for him and he moves like crazy nearly everytime.

Here are our weekly bump pictures since my last post... I've really been slacking so there are quite a few!  He is definitely growing like crazy in there!

On Tuesday I went and did my routine glucose test. It wasn't bad, but I was more nervous about it this time simply because other surrogates in our group have been failing the one hour test when they had never had issues with their previous pregnancies. I chose orange since I had that with both the girls and knew it wasn't too bad. I waited my hour and had my blood drawn and was on my way. Nothing too exciting. 

Wednesday morning I had a scheduled appt with my doctor and found out they had already received my results. I "failed" my 1 hour glucose test by a measley 10 points! Not thrilled about having to go back to the lab and sit there for 3 hours this next time, but my doctor said he isn't worried as I barely "failed." Apparently your blood glucose level needs to be 140 or less and mine was 150. Yet again, something else I have not experienced with my girls! The guys are not concerned and one of the dad's mother is a doctor and she said where they live they wouldn't even require me to retest. It was just a quick appt though and other then having to redo my glucose test everything with Little Mac is looking great. He is measuring well, heartrate is strong and fluid levels are excellent. I was able to capture a quick little video during the ultrasound to send to the guys!

 

I can not belive how quickly our journey is going. In two weeks I start the third trimester...not quite sure how that happened so fast. 5 more weeks until my next routine appt. In just 10 weeks the guys will be back here in Florida and we will take our maternity pictures with them and then spend quality time together until the little man decides to arrive. And exactly 14 weeks until our due date! So CRAZY! I am a bit all over the place as emotions go to be honest. I know Mac's arrival is not the end of the journey (just the end of this chapter) but I have really enjoyed everything so far and do not want to see it end. I love being pregnant and having the ability to do this for them, but am also ready to see them hold their baby boy and be father's. I'm excited for the guys and their families to come to Florida for the birth. I am excited to meet Little Mac and see what he looks like and hold him for the first time outside of my belly. For my girls to meet the little guy that they talk to, hug and kiss all the time and who kicks them when they cuddle with their mama. My family has been so supportive and involved in this journey and I am excited for all of them to experience the pure joy that this pregnancy has given me when they get to meet Little Mac. 

So that there isn't a whole month between my next post, I am thinking about compiling a list of some of the things I/we have been asked, reactions received from people who find out I am a surrogate etc. (some are serious and completely genuine, others surprising and funny) Would anyone be interested?

Well, until next time friends!